The Proper Use of the Connie

I think my blog is a sufficiently private forum to discuss openly the sensitive but hilarious subject of Connie. Connie is a real person; fortunately, who she is, is not relevant to one’s enjoyment of the Connie. The only thing one needs, in order to thoroughly appreciate Connie, is to gain an understanding of the proper use of the Connie (n.). Comprehension (or, Connie) of the Connie afforded us many laughs over the three days I spent at Martha’s Cottage, the Peets’ Chautauqua Lake house in upstate New York.

Connies can be used almost boundlessly before they diminish in comedic value, though ultimately one may choose at his discretion to preserve them, only because the best Connie will always be an unexpected one. Connie is simply a replacement for another word. Traditionally they have been used as a proxy for a two-syllable C word.

Why am I still up puzzling at this hour?

Probably because you had one too many cups of Connie.

It is important use the correct tone of voice when issuing a Connie. It may be helpful to imagine a man in a tuxedo, prone to winking, holding a cigar or a martini. Sean Connery, perhaps. When one is comfortable with two-syllable C word Connies, he will no doubt wish to experiment with Connies out of traditional bounds. Read the following examples, then feel free to Connie away!

TV and Movies: "Are You Smarter Than A Connie?"

I went to a picnic and Maity brought Avocados... Ashley brought Bonbons... Grayson brought Connie...Steven brought Duoz...Grammy brought Eggs (that were deviled)...

It was a beautiful day at the lake,

albeit partly Connie.

When I want to relax, nothing beats stretching out on the beach with a good Connie.

Mom and Maity have only played cornhole one time before, but they almost beat Steven and me.

I guess they had a touch of Connie's luck.

I wish I had more pictures from this weekend, but my Connie got sand in it so now all I have is my cell phone.